7 RPG Monsters to Make You Poo Your Pantaloons

Written by Grim Gozzoth

7. Skeletons

Normally seen as fodder for low-level dungeon crawls, the idea of a fleshless creature clawing at you with filthy fingernails should be enough to cause a stomach rumble. Despite being the stuff of nightmares, a skeleton can usually be picked off by even the most clueless adventurers. Yet the mere thought of a bony apparition lunging at me in the dark is enough to make me pee a little in my small clothes.

6. Trolls

Typically portrayed as lumbering, leather-skinned beasts with an undying hunger for goats, trolls can be a headache for even more experienced questers. The thought of an already pain in the ass beast regenerating limbs like an effing starfish should make even the most hardened veteran’s colon quiver.

5. Lycanthropes

Werewolves, wererats, wereotters. These shapeshifting beasts can cause burbles in the belly to even stalwart monster slayers. The most terrifying aspect is that one particularly hairy friend you have might be waiting to munch on your leg when you least expect it.

4. Giants

These big bastards might look vaguely humanoid, but that doesn’t mean they won’t tear off a hapless explorer’s head and drink from the neck stump. Tending to tower most, giants require minimal effort to cause bowel excavations. Hell, the mere smell of their BO must be enough to knock someone for a loop.

3. Vampires

While they’ve undergone numerous variations throughout time, vampires remain one of the most feared creatures in creation. Whether it’s the bald, rat-toothed type or have luscious locks of hair with a mean overbite, vamps can leech off a pack of low-level plebes with ease.

2. Liches

Not as famous as others on the list, the lich is often seen as the ultimate encounter for magic-haters. These rotting wizards scare the ever-loving doo doo out of folks far and wide, often serving as campaign bosses to humble some cocky murder hobos on the loose.

1. Dragons

The Grandaddy/Grandmama of them all, dragons are so prevalent in fantasy RPGs of many types that sometimes the word DRAGON is right in the title. A peon adventurer stumbling across a dragon’s lair might as well wear no pants because they’ll be ruined within seconds. Wearing no pants might irk a dragon though, so use discretion. Many a pile of smoking bones have been left in the wake of dragons, and suspect this trend will carry on into the future.

Which monsters scare the poo out of you? Leave a comment and share!